How did I get here: the dream, the blog?

When you start having major messages coming at you in your dreams, you know you have a problem to wake up and deal with. And I knew I did ...

I have always been an anxious person. Always projecting disasters into an imaginary future. Always worrying that something bad would happen just at the point that something great was unfolding. And so I have a worker-bee kind of mind, always scurrying around, dipping into the future, dwelling in the past, worrying at problems (both real and imagined) like the proverbial dog with a bone. I know I’m not alone in this.

I could never truly relax. I could never fully exhale. I kept my shoulders tensely high and my potential for deep, bubbling-over happiness mostly at a ‘safe’ arm’s length.

I couldn’t let go. I couldn’t trust that all would be well.

I had to control it all. Surely, I thought, that was the only way? Micro-manage. Make it perfect. Fool everyone (especially myself) into thinking I had it all together.

But then I noticed changes in my health. I had tingles and numbness, so I was tested for MS. I had palpitations and odd sensations, so I was rushed off to an ER for a look at my heart. I had gut issues, hormone imbalances, high cortisol, and food intolerances thrown in.

In every case, the cause was essentially stress.

Doing too much.

Worrying too much.

Rushing too much.

Thinking too much.

Cluttering too much.

Saying yes too much.

Putting myself last too much.

I knew something had to drastically change. That I had to do and act differently in quite a few areas of my life. I had to massively calm down.

And so I started doing just that. Do I always get it right? No way. Some times, yeah – and I'm aiming for most times. It’s a day-by-day proposition, that’s for sure. But I have learnt lots of amazing things about stress and trust and letting go. Things that help me to be kinder to myself and calmer in the world. Things I think we should talk about together, here on this blog. What do you say?

 

Natalie Bartley